Category Archives: space program

EDITORIAL: Oops!!! Ouch!!!

EDITORIAL

Oops!!!  Ouch!!!

Oops!!!  Oops II!!!

Ouch!!! 

Nuff said.

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EDITORIAL: Russian Technology Unbound

EDITORIAL

Russian Technology Unbound

Imagine an eagle soaring proudly around the earth in orbit at supersonic speed.  Suddenly, the evil Hubble Space Telescope comes into view.  The eagle’s eyes glisten with sparks of bravery, it turns its back on the devilish American craft and a powerful red-white-and-blue laser beam shoots out of the eagle’s buttocks, blinding the telescope and rendering the demonic Americans helpless.  Their own national symbol has laid them low!

Who in the world could be capable of putting forth such amazing technology to advance the fight against the evil empire that is the USA?  Only Vladimir Putin’s Russia, that’s who!

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EDITORIAL: Putin in Space

EDITORIAL

Putin in Space

Just as there are any number of ignorant Russians who, hilariously, believe their country really only leased Alaska to the United States, there are many who will insist that the Americans never landed a man on the moon (not even once, much less multiple times). Apparently Americans are not clever enough to do so — but more than clever enough to fool the rest of the world into thinking that they did!

Such ignorance, such laughable stupidity, and such mind-boggling contradictions are what emerge from decades of crazed, feverish neo-Soviet propaganda.  Even watching the Soviet system destroyed was not sufficient to convince hapless Russians to reject it.  So right after it fell, the rushed to put the KGB right back in power, in the person of Vladimir Putin — doing so because a man they claimed to hate, Boris Yeltsin, told them to.

The latest instance of Russian brain fever has the population believing that even though Russia, admittedly, has never even once landed a man on the moon, it will build a station and start permanently living there by 2030.

We would find Russian belief in such a notion hilarious were it not for the dire consquences it suggests for the country and its future.

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EDITORIAL: Disaster in South Korea

EDITORIAL

Disaster in South Korea

Last week the world saw clearly what happens when a nation looks to Russia for technology.  That nation crashes and burns spectacularly.

Quite frankly, we see it as being not just ridiculous but blatantly offensive for an impoverished, backwards nation like Russia to be engaged in any way in a space program.  The billions of dollars Russia spends each year developing missiles and rockets, all in a frenzied and desperate desire to compete with the United States, should instead be spent on meeting the actual needs of the people of Russia.

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EDITORIAL: Look, up in the Sky! It’s Super Russia!

EDITORIAL

Look, up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Super Russia!

Of all the ridiculous, asinine “ideas” to emerge from the fetid wasteland that is neo-Soviet Russia (floating nuclear power stations, building islands in the Black Sea, colonizing Mars, walking on the Moon, etc.) surely the most side-splittingly ludicrous of them all is the Kremlin’s “plan” to “save the Earth” from a killer asteroid by blasting it with a Russian-made missile.

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Russian GPS: SNAFU

CNN reports:

Late last month Moscow celebrated the birthday of Father Frost, the Russian iteration of Santa Claus, with a new-fangled announcement: Father Frost’s retinue would move through the holiday skies aided by Glonass, the Russian answer to GPS.

Eagerly waiting children could track his movement online, while he could simultaneously improve his gift-giving efficiency. “Now Father Frost can be sure,” his press release said. “He can monitor his helpers through the Internet, even when he himself leaves for another city.”

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EDITORIAL: Russia goes into the Toilet

EDITORIAL

Russia goes into the Toilet

“It’s built on technologies dating back to the mid-1980s, at the very latest. We are lagging seven to 30 years back in various space technologies.”

— Russian astronaut Gennady Padalka, talking to the Russian newspaper Novaya Gazeta

That was the response of “Cosmonaut” Padalka describing the Russian-made alternative after being informed that he wouldn’t be able to use the flashy American toilet on the international space station, but would be relegated instead to the Russian one, and wouldn’t be able to use any exercise machine at all since, while the Americans have a cool one, the Russian section doesn’t have any at all.

At least Padalka has a toilet of some kind. Huge swaths of Russia’s population, to this day, rely on the outhouse.  They have their hot water cut off by the state in the summer, and sometimes go without running water of any kind.  These are just two of the many reasons that Russia doesn’t rank in the top 100 countries of the world for male adult lifespan, and why it loses up to 1 million people from its population every year.

One may well ask, then, where all the billions of oil revenue windfalls that Russia received over the past several years have gone.  There is only one answer, of course:  The Kremlin has flushed them down the toilet of a paranoid, aggressive, neo-Soviet new cold war with the United States.