EDITORIAL: Schwarzenegger and Chapman Party On in Moscow


Schwarzenegger and Chapman Party on in Moscow

Party on Arnold! Party on Anna! Excellent!

Russia achieved an impressive new low last week in national humiliation.  We can hardly keep the tears of laughter out of our eyes long enough to publish today’s issue.

First, The Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger arrived in Moscow and declared: “President Medvedev is a great visionary. He had this vision to create a Silicon Valley in Skolkovo. I love places where there is an extraordinary potential. It’s almost like looking at a gold or diamond mine and saying, ‘All you got to do is go in there and get it.'”

Simultaneously the New York Times was writing of the Governator’s home state of California:  “California can’t afford new water projects, but state cops often receive 90 percent of their salaries when they retire at 50. The average corrections officer there makes $70,000 a year in base salary and $100,000 with overtime (California spends more on its prison system than on its schools).”  But by Russian standards, of course, California is a majestic success and the Governator is a leading economic genius!

Then, as if to show Russia has never sunk as low as it can get, it was announced that the ludicrously failed Russian spy Anna Chapman had been appointed an advisor to a leading Russian financial institution.

These events are, on the one hand, so hilarious and bizarre that they seem like fanciful, deluded fiction.  Yet, on the other hand, they perfectly explain why Russia remains a backwater, with a life expectancy not in the top 125 nations of the world and an average wage rivaled by many third-world states.

The Governator might be the failed leader of a nearly bankrupt state, but in Russia he looks like a genius.  Russians might mock and castigate Americans for having such a leader, right up until the time he starts complimenting them and then he becomes a beloved celebrity.

And as for who is a bigger and more spectacular failure, Chapman or Schwarzenegger, the jury is still out on that one. Chapman may very well be the worst spy ever to don dark glasses and a mustache, yet now she’s being sought out by a Russian “bank” to offer it financial advice, something she’s even less qualified to do than spying.

All if it can only remind us, of course, of Vladimir Putin himself, a man totally unqualified to hold any kind of elected or executive office and whose policies are driving Russia to absolute disaster, yet who is lionized as a hero by the sheep over whom he rules.

What a country!

7 responses to “EDITORIAL: Schwarzenegger and Chapman Party On in Moscow

  1. Tell me that the foregoing was written by The Onion so I can keep my sanity.

    I can understand Anna Chapman out job hunting and taking what she can get, but what is Schwarzenegger doing there??? I do business in California, but will soon be moving on to Idaho. Believe me everybody is getting out of CA as fast as they are able.

    • I have been hearing California-sucks whinning like yours for the last 10 years. Yet, only people who fail and lose move out of California. Just look at your example. Why move from the west coast to Idaho, of all places? If your dream jobs are most likely to be found in Idaho, then California was not for you to begin with. There is nothing wrong with that. For example, if your preference is towards say growing corn or building cars all your life, then California is not the place to be. To succeed in California, one has to work hard to learn new things, build skills, etc! Google, Apple, HP and many others were built there out of effectively nothing! And most of future innovation will keep coming from places like California. All of my friends over there have awesome careers and seem to be doing better with every year. Many are working in Silicon Valley or elsewhere in the Bay Area. And if you’re wondering what Arnold was doing in Russia, I believe he was there to advise Russian government on it’s Silicon Valley-like pet project near Moscow.

  2. Bogdan from Australia

    It is evident that the long years of steroids and botox abuse by Schwarzenegger have completly frayed his brain (if he ever had any).

    He should change his name to Schwachenegger (schwach means weak in German). It would much better reflect that idiots’ desintegrating mentality.

    And to think that some Yanks have been once toying with the idea of altering the US Constitution to allow Schwarz to become US Prez.

    Perhaps, if he replaced botox with VODKOX, it would restore at least some aspects of his mental health…

    P.S: No wonder that Schwarz is traveling to Rooosha for acceptance. He has managed to destroy Caliphonia to such a degree that that once proud state resembles Russki bog more than any true American entity.

    Appart from that, he has also indulged himself recently and on few occasions in a ridiculous fight with Sarah Palin, one of the most succesful American Governors in the US history and every time he received a severe beating from her. Np wonder that his self-esteem is so low.

  3. Skolkovo is just an excuse for the Siloviki to line their pockets. People should think of it like a Christmas bonus for the employees…with a propaganda piece thrown in for good measure.

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  6. Poor Anna Chapman [a maiden name Anna Podsierob or something like that] after London and New York to be exiled to russia – it is worse than death….medals can make her feel slightly better for a while……It is beyond pathetic, but a great source of pleasure to see this…..

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