Annals of Shamapova

Shamapova continues her "dominating" ways in Birmingham

When Russian tennis player Maria Sharapova barely managed to squeak past American Alison Riske in the semifinals of the WTA tour event in Birmingham England, it was breathlessly reported that she was “on course” to take the title for a third time.  Our gal Shamapova stated:  “I suppose I knew in my mind I would be back.”

Never mind that Riske was not ranked in the top 180 players in the world, yet pushed Sharapova to three sets. Never mind that before reaching the finals Shamapova was not called upon to defeat a single seeded player. In other words, never mind pesky little things like reality and facts.  Sharapova was in full swagger.  “I’m back, I’m back!” she chirped.

But then she had to deal with the nasty inconvenience of actually playing the finals match, this time against world #11 Li Na.  Our gal Shamapova lost the first set and then was blown away in the second, managing to win only a pathetic single game.


We continue to see our gal Shamapova as a perfect living metaphor for neo-Soviet Russia. In the land of Putin, it is illusion and not substance that matters.  You don’t need democracy as long as you have “democracy.”  You don’t need a president as long as you have  “president.” And you don’t need an economy as long as you have an “economy” or an army as long as you have an “army.”  In the same way, Shamapova continues to base her record on “winning” tournaments where she has no serious competition (and often, as in Birmingham, she can’t win even then). Only when Russia realizes that lies like these are the very things that destroyed the USSR will they have any hope of a future.

14 responses to “Annals of Shamapova

  1. Francis Smyth-Beresford

    You’re making a big mistake by constantly dumping on Sharapova as a Russian, instead of claiming her as an American, the way Americans do with every famous personality that lives in the United States regardless where they originated. That way, her admittedly spotty tennis success of late could be ignored in favour of the fact that she’s rolling in cash, which always impresses Americans – and some others, to be fair.

    Sports winnings are a small part of Sharapova’s income, which comes primarily from endorsements; Tag Heuer, Cole Haan, Sony Ericsson, Nike…Her prize winnings total only a little over $10 Million, while she earns between $26 – $30 Million every year in endorsements.

    While the lumbering Williams sisters hustle for contracts with Gatorade and mug for Oreo cookie commercials, Sharapova is the world’s highest-paid female athlete. When Venus Williams is 50, has bad knees and an ass the size and weight of Warren Buffet’s desk, Maria Sharapova will only be 43; if her handlers show the business savoir-faire they have so far, she could be richer than Oprah.

    She doesn’t talk like a rich woman, though. Her post-game comment following her loss to Li won comment of the day on the Aegon Classic site for her grace in defeat; “I came here to play as many matches as I could on grass. I would have loved to win, but she was the better player today and she did many things better than me. She returned great. I put her under no pressure whatsoever on her serve.” Contrast that with Serena Williams’ “ I should have won; could have won”, and “I would have denied it if the mic hadn’t been on”.

    I’ve told Maria how I feel, but she spurned me; because to her, love means nothing. That’s a little tennis joke, see what I did there?

    Next up – Wimbledon. Seven of the top 30 players are Russians. This feels like Dementieva’s year to me; want to put a few pints on it? Meanwhile, be careful what you wish for – if Sharapova actually turns out to be “a perfect living metaphor for neo-Soviet Russia”, Russia will be successful whether it changes its modus operandi or not. That’s the road Sharapova’s on.

    • Sorry we’re not American enough for you, dude. Probably that explains our interest in Russia’s future health, unlike you, who seem to want to see it repeat the mistakes of the past and destroy itself.

      Meanwhile, as is your idiotic apelike wont, you totally ignore the topic of this post, the ABSOLUTE HUMILIATION of the woman WHO PLAYS FOR THE RUSSIAN NATIONAL TEAM AND IS ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS SYMBOLS OF RUSSIA IN THE WORLD TODAY in the finals and the UTTERLY FRAUDULENT way she got there.

      Like a typical Russian idiot, you think money covers it all up. It doesn’t. End of lesson.

      • Francis Smyth-Beresford

        All right, then; just for this little piece of the You-Against-Russia crusade, how would you like to see this play out? What scenario would make you happy? If Sharapova abruptly quit tennis, saying she was tired of living a lie? Would that do it?

        Not that she’s likely to do that, because she doesn’t control or influence the ranking system that put her where she is. She wins games that contribute points to her ranking, whether or not she wins a big tournament against an American champion. And let’s not forget, she has won the Grand Slam before, 3 times. She beat Serena Williams to win Wimbledon, when she was only 17.

        And while we’re on that subject, why don’t we hear a peep of criticism about the Serbs, the Ukrainians, the Czech Republicans, the Estonians who make it into world rankings without beating one of the Williams sisters? Are they frauds, too, who cheated to get where they are? Is every female tennis player who makes it into the top 10, but doesn’t win, a fraud?

        Yes, I can see your “interest in the future health” of Russia’s female tennis industry, from the way you make fun of Sharapova’s name and the way she talks. Is there some advice buried in there somewhere?

        I could be a little more supportive if you perhaps outlined your vision for Russia, and the bones of a plan for how you expect to get there. Non-stop abuse is not a plan, and isn’t going to inspire anything like change in Russia.


        What makes you think we want the support of the likes of you? What you have you ever done to make us think you have anything of value to offer us?

        It’s sad and genuinely pathetic that you value Sharapova’s money over her grand slam titles and her role in history.

        It’s sad and genuinely pathetic that you can’t see she makes money because she’s a nice piece of ass, not because anyone really admires her game.

        It’s sad and genuinely pathetic that you can’t admit NOBODY wants to watch Russians play tennis because they are BORING on and off the court, and they need to reform. That attitude destroyed the USSR, and it will just as surely destroy Russia. You fiddle while it burns.

  2. “It’s sad and genuinely pathetic that you can’t see she makes money because she’s a nice piece of ass, not because anyone really admires her game.”

    I think here is a root of it all… :-))

    • You’re right! Russians don’t care if Sharapova disgraces herself on the court, don’t care if they ever produce a truly great champion like Venus or Serena, as long as they produce somebody who makes piles of cash and looks good in a bikini.

      That’s Russia in a nutshell. It explains why the average Russian lives TWENTY YEARS less than the average American and doesn’t rank in the top 125 countries in the world for life expectency.

      And the fact that you think all this is a basis for drawing smiley faces is another sad part of the problem. No wonder Russia is such a pathetic disaster, with only the likes of you for her “defenders.”

      • Francis Smyth-Beresford

        I can’t tell you how inspired I am by your selfless forswearing of glamorous personal appearance in favour of integrity, and your championing of substance over image. I would have been prepared to suggest America as the foremost country for women trying to make themselves look like “a nice piece of ass” when God didn’t see fit to do it for them. You make me feel….well, very humble in the face of your nobility.

        You will doubtless be saddened, then, to learn that Americans (the vast majority of them women) spent $10 Billion last year on cosmetic surgery, with breast augmentation the runaway favourite.

        To put it in perspective, that’s 25,000 times what Georgia spent on defence. Yes, the Georgia that keeps telling the West that Russian invasion is imminent.

        It’s a shame all those women don’t realize that appearance is fleeting and transitory, and that being a true champion is what counts. Maybe you could go on a speaking tour or something.

        What’s truly sad and genuinely pathetic is your palpable jealousy of Sharapova, Dementieva, Kirilenko and other Russian female tennis players who manage to excel at the sport without developing thighs like bridge pilings, instead managing to highlight their femininity. If Sharapova is boring and nobody wants to watch her, how did she manage to equal the Williams sisters in ESPY awards,

        which are chosen by tennis fans? Sharapova won 3 times in the past 5 years. Elena Dementieva was the Fan Favourite Singles Player of the Year for 2009.

  3. I don’t know about that “highlighting femininity” thing. There are a couple of other professions I can think of where that “highlighting” is very important, but there is no need to be crass.

    Now, you mentioned good looking ones, and to balance, it is only fair to mention the horse-looking ones like Safina or Petrova…

    • Francis Smyth-Beresford

      I’m afraid I don’t actually know what any of them look like except from photographs, and I’m using their height and weight as a guide as well. I’ve seen a couple of photos of Safina in which she looks pretty nice, although most of them do show her with that broad, slightly flat slavic face. I believe I mentioned that Petrova is not particularly attractive, although I’ve seen at least one posed photo in which she looks not at all bad. You’re right, though, that neither is a match for Sharapov, Dementieva or Kirilenko.

      Live-play shots make everyone look bad, because of the muscular effort shown in their facial expressions.

  4. voce della ragione

    I agree. For Sharapova, who is ranked 17th in the World, reaching the finals at a WTA tournament and then losing to the top-seed, who is ranked 11th in the entire World, is a shame and a sham.

    • You are an ILLITERATE GOAT.


      She lost the finals IN STRAIGHT SETS, WINNING ONLY ONE GAME in the second.

      Yes, that’s humilation.

      • Is there anything in that post that suggests the person cannot read or that they are a goat?

        By the way, in your little welcome “sign” on the right of the page, it should probably say “Russian politics bloggers” instead of “Russia politics bloggers.” It sounds a little off if you do not include the -n.

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