Annals of Russia’s Female Tennis Sham


World #14 Maria “Shamapova” continued her humiliating losing ways in the opening round of the year’s first grand-slam tennis tournament, the Australian Open, getting thrashed in her very first match of the tournament by lowly World #58 Maria Kirilenko (who’s actually a threat to steal Sharapova’s “#1 Russian tennis babe” crown as well).  You just got here, darling!  Leaving so soon?

Maria, it must be admitted, is not the only Russian sham in town.

Every year before the Aussie Open a tune-up tournament is held in Sydney.

Last year, Russia’s Elena Dementieva defeated American Serena Williams in the semi-finals at Sydney.  The two met again in the semi-finals of the grand slam event, whereupon the American thrashed the Russian with ease and went on to take the title, crushing another Russian, Dinara Safina, in one of the most humiliatingly one-sided grand slam finals in recent memory (save for Williams’ prior brutalizing of yet a third Russian, the aforementioned Maria Sharapova, two years before).

This year, it seems history is repeating itself.

Dementieva again downed Williams at Sydney, this time in the finals.  Commenting on her play, one Australian paper wrote that her “serve is the shower scene from Psycho. Her ball toss signalling the possibility of an imminent and horrific turn of events. When the Russian was sighted mid-week practising her second serve, four people were huddled around her as if they were all trying to crack a code.”  As if that commentary and the events last year were not enough to eviscerate any claim to fame “the Demented One” (as she is known on the tour) might have claimed, Williams was visibly unable to pay normally due to pain in her heavily bandaged knee.

Still though, Dementieva performed better than her compatriots. Safina was the #2 seed at Sydney, she surrendered meekly to Dementieva in her second match of the tournament.  Williams did not have to face the#8 seed in her second match because that player, Russian Vera Zvonareva, quit in the middle of the first set of her first match (contrast Williams, who played through pain to complete her match against Dementieva).  The #3 seed was Russian Svetlana Kuznetsova, who was blown off the court in her second match by an unseeded Slovakian.


39 responses to “Annals of Russia’s Female Tennis Sham

  1. It’s funny you try to make a story of one Russian being defeated by another Russian, as if it makes a difference to our nation which one of our distinguished tennis stars triumphs in a match.

  2. It’s funny you don’t know how far Kirilenko has fallen in the rankings over the past year because of her woeful, hideous, embarrassing play, such that the only opponent she is capable of defeating is another pathetic Russian.

    It’s funny you can’t see how humiliating it is for Russia’s #14 to lose to #58, whever country she comes from. It makes Russia’s rankings look very much like a sham. In fact, a SHAMapova!

  3. This is better than I hoped. You really are miserable, aren’t you ? You claim to have a grand vision that your blog is trying to achieve, right ? Something like bringing US-mandated democracy and “freedom” to all those poor, downtrodden Russians. hahahahaha. Yet you ludicrously dabble in sports statistics. I don’t know how far off the rocker you are, but even you must see that this looks laughable. It’s as if I were to say that Serena Williams being beaten into the ground by Dementieva was a sign of the decline of the bloated, clumsy, American empire when the reasons are completely diffrent. Childish is what it is. Please, don’t attempt to associate yourself with the Novaya Gazeta, all right ? They, unlike you, are journalists and honest social commentators. By associating your inglorious self, you try to give them a bad name that they don’t deserve on any account.


    Actually, we’ve translated more original Novaya Gazeta content into English than any other Russia blog on the planet.

    And our purpose in discussing Russian tennis is not to prove Russia is in decline, our politics posts are more than adequate to do so. Our purpose is to DISPEL THE MYTH that Russia is “dominant” in tennis as some Russophile idiots like to claim.

    If you knew anything about America, you’d know it is a confident country willing to embrace criticism in order to improve. The state of American tennis is dismal, and Americans openly criticize it all the time. Unlike apelike Russians, we don’t see this as treachery, but as patriotism. Still, with all her problems, America won SEVERAL grand slam titles last year, while Russia won ZERO. Did you know that, Mr. Monkey?

    You’re a very rude and ignorant little slob who obviously didn’t take the time to read and think about our content before commenting on it.

    And as for your suggesting what we should and should not write about, it’s simply hilarious. Want to see something else? Make your own blog and see who reads it, i.e. NOBODY. We have 3,000 visits per day, and therefore know just a little bit more than you do about how to publish a blog.

    Crawl back into your silly little hole, worm.

    • Please, stick to political commentary, as incompetent as it is. At least there, you can spin and distort all you want, and you have a loyal following of slack-jawed people zombified by Western media to back up our ideological claptrap. Stay out of sports or other such fields, where numbers and stats can disprove your claims. If your jealous that the Motherland produces fine talent in tennis, soccer, hockey or any other number of sports, don’t antagonize over it in the interwebs. hahaha.


      Thanks for your advice, but we’ll go on just as we are. After all, we’re one of the very most successful Russia blogs in the English language.

  4. Hm… Natashas… Why do they all look like prostitutes to me?

    • Yeah, why do they ? Maybe because you’ve never seen a prostitute. Here, let me help you.


      Maria Yuryevna:

      Elena Viatcheslavovna:

      See the difference ? hahahaha.

      • //See the difference ?
        No, why?

        Anyhow, I’m not challenging your expertise in this area. Russians are quite professional when it comes to prostitution, drug/arms trade, hacking and shoplifting.

  5. Yep, you can really get a sense of our professionalism, considering that %65 of the world illegal substances are traded in the US.You’re resume is a bit more accomplished in that department.

    As for hacking, thank you for recognizing our expertise. We really are pretty damn good when it comes to it. It comes in handy when you need to shut down the servers of a small, authoritarian country that is malicious enough to attack US mandated peacekeepers.


    It’s sad that you’re proud of being a criminal.

    It’s also sad that you are so rude as to insert spam comments totally unrelated to this thread.

    You make Russia look bad, like a nation of silly monkeys. Is that what you intended?

    BTW, you need to stop spamming our blog and obey our comment publication guidelines. If you can’t, next time instead of deleting your offending comments we’ll simply ban you from making any comments. Got it?

  6. vonRas
    [Hm… Natashas… Why do they all look like prostitutes to me?]

    Simple. In your country, almost all young women who weigh less than a ton, are prostitutes.


    Oh really? Have you seen the way Sharapova has posed?

    Are you saying this doesn’t look like a whore? Can you find any American tennis players who have posed this way?

    You really ought to read a little, at least a little, before you speak. Otherwise you just sound like an ignorant ape.

  7. Man, have you already started deploying the cheapest rhetorical tricks in the book ?

    By the way, it’s nice that you yourself oblige us by saying that you do not live in Russia. Thus, you might decide at some point to think before you start babbling about a country in which you haven’t even been.


    DAMN you’re stupid! Or are you just drunk? The fact that somebody is not living in Russia RIGHT NOW does not mean they’ve NEVER been there. Can you think AT ALL?

    Your “comments” make Russia look like a nation of monkeys.

  8. La Russophobe, please focus on Real crimes and problems created by Putins regime. Not on female Tennis. And while I might HATE PUKIN, I like Sharapova. I see no problem in Russian tennis at all. :)
    There are FAR too many Other MORE SERIOUS problems in Russia and the tennis is the least.


    Don’t know where you get the idea that our coverage of Sharapova limits our coverage of other issues, it doesn’t at all. You’d be hard-pressed to name any important issue involving Russia that we haven’t covered.

    It’s fine that you like Sharapova (probably because you have the hots for her). We hate her, and think she’s a perfect illustration of Russia’s obsession with form over substance. It’s good to have diversity of viewpoints, surely you agree. Oh and, by the way, currently this post has more comments than any other in the issue. So perhaps you’re mistaken about what generates interest?

    If you want to influence our blog, tell us what you do to support us. Do you publicize our posts using DIGG or Stumbleupon, for instance? Do you publish links to us in the comments section of other blogs? If you don’t, you can’t really expect us to change our policies in response to your personal desires, can you?

  9. [Can you find any American tennis players who have posed this way?]

    I can do better than that. Here are Serena and Venus Williams plus Ashley Harkleroad:

    FYI, from Wikipedia:

    Ashley Harkleroad (born May 2, 1985), is an American tennis player. Harkleroad reached a career-high ranking of No. 39 on June 9, 2003. She isn’t currently playing as she recently had a child. Her career prize money to date is $1,009,244[1] Harkleroad was the first WTA Tennis Player to pose naked for the Mens Magazine Playboy.

  10. What I don’t understand is why the Williams sisters have never done a lyposuction to remove the 60 to 70 extra pounds from their buttocks. That would give them such incredible lightness and speed!

  11. A wrote:
    [Serena Williams is hot and she has a fine booty. Normal, heterosexual men tend to prefer women with feminine curves, but maybe you prefer women whose bodies look like those of pubescent boys. I’d rather be getting naughty with Serena than with any of those white-bread, flat-chested, ass-less Russian female tennis players.]

    What I was saying is that if Williams lost fat from her buttocks, she would be a faster and better tennis player.

    You are obsessed with sex, A. Not getting any, eh? And your attempts at asserting your “normalcy” and “heterosexuality” are laughable.

    This is not a psychoanalyst’s office. Please keep your sexual fantasies to yourself.

    • Well Arthur,

      Sorry to have to inform you, thats mostly muscle on their delightful (and very feminine) prosteriors.

      A is right, you obviously prefer boys.

      • Really, Andrew ? Have you descended that low that you now critisize our athletes because they actually look athletic and attractive hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.
        As for me, I’ll take Maria Yuryevna any day:

        Over This :

        Uughh. I almost vomited.

  12. Two hours after the event, as Kim Clijsters and her entourage made their weary way out of Melbourne Park, she walked past some old friends and did not recognise them. It was as if what had just happened to the usually happy-go-lucky Belgian was something from another time and place.

    The US Open champion, whose story of motherhood and sporting glory was one of the most heartwarming of any tennis era, was beaten 6-0, 6-1 by Nadia Petrova, of Russia, in the third round of the subsequent grand-slam tournament and was fortunate to have got that one game.

  13. Our female tennis players are woeful,Andy Murry has half a chance of winning a grand slam but for us thats about it.

  14. A. wrote:
    [I like Serena better]

    Andrew wrote:
    [Serena and Venus are fine examples of womanhood!]

    Your sexual preferences are exactly as I imagined. It was easy to predict that you two would see Serena as your dream sex partner:

    No matter how you try to pretend to be “hetero”, you still can’t get it that testosterone, drag queen looks, and overgrown muscles seem sexy only to pederasts (both open and closet) like yourselves:


    Serena Williams’ outburst at U.S. Open a raging success
    New York Daily News

    Serena Williams unraveled terribly, like … well, like a man. She had been inexplicably boorish, temporarily insane, threatening to stuff a fuzzy tennis ball down the throat of a fellow human being.

    Fans have become comfortably uncomfortable with these displays of testosterone… But what we saw late Saturday night was something very different, precedent-setting: A woman standing near the baseline, out of her mind with fury

    The Huffington Post
    Serena Williams: Unsportsmanlike Penalty Ends Match

    Yup, too much testosterone makes people do stupid aggressive things!

  15. [I’d rather be getting naughty with Serena than with any of those white-bread, flat-chested, ass-less Russian female tennis players.]

    By “flat-chested, ass-less Russian female tennis players”, do you mean these:

    And you find them not seductive but Serena – super sexy? OK, you’ve convinced me – you are not gay. You are a lesbian, Ms. A.

    Andrew wrote:
    [mostly muscle]

    You are a lesbian too, Andrea.

  16. ……………………..
    She looks like Sammy Sosa circa 1998 in this picture. Maybe they should start steroid testing in women’s tennis. I’m guessing Serena and Amelie Mauresmo might show some statistical testosterone anomalies.
    Do you think Serena Williams is a steroid or HGH freak? Look at her physique and couple that with her antics and wild mood.
    Just think of her as a man.

  17. ……………………..
    “With muscles like these, I expect to smell “MUSK” or “BRUTE””
    She has gone this long being suspected of being a man by spectators

  18. Today’s WTA rating :
    * 3 russians on the top 5 (> 50%)
    * 6 russians on the top 20 (=30%)
    Well i guess this is not too bad for a country that represents 2,5% of the world population …

    I would also say that they are from far the most beautiful but no need to discuss this point, everybody already agree !


    The whole point of this post, knucklehead, is to show that that rankings are an illusion, not based on winning titles but on grinding out matches in second-rate tournaments. If you read and think before commenting, things will work out better for you.

  19. @Alexandre,
    This is not fare Randy’s childs will be so sade…

  20. Pingback: Annals of Russia's Female Tennis Sham « La Russophobe | Sports News

  21. Devon Morissey

    “Russia is in decline,” you say? Walk into any American supermarket or fast food outlet and there, my friend, you will see the very definition of “decline.” You would have to walk around Moscow for hours before you could find a single obese person (although that will certainly change, of course, as “Wendy’s” just got the green light and now has two outlets in Moscow, along with about 300 McD’s and Burger Kings). America’s decline is long over. It is on its proverbial knees, subservient to corporate power and venal politicians. Yes, America is a military superpower, but its people are weak and frightened sheeple. Long live Russia! Civilization’s last great hope!!! “Shamapova???” Honey, she is the real thing, and the fact that two beautiful Russian women – who combine strength, beauty and intelligence – are where they are, says everything. I believe there is a personality disorder for what you are experience: pure, unadulterated envy.

  22. Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up very fast!
    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
    I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol

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