EDITORIAL: The Horror of Eurovision


The Horror of Eurovision

No politics at Eurovision?

No politics at Eurovision?

Last weekend the “Eurovision” song contest wound up in Moscow. The world could only stand slack-jawed gaping at the unbounded horror of it all.

Eurovision has a rule that says “no politics allowed” during the contest.

But that didn’t stop host Russia from decorating the stage with an inflatable fighter jet and an inflatable tank and having the Russian army choir perform the keynote song.

No politics allowed?

Into the semi-finals went the Israeli entry, a duo comprised of an Arab and a Jew singing “There Must be Another Way.”  No problem with that in Eurovisionland.  Israeli flags were waved furiously, everywhere. But that’s not “political” either, right?

What was clearly political, though, in the eyes of the craven scum who coordinate this “competition” (how many Eurovision-winning songs are on your Ipod?) was an effort by the Georgian entry to tease Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.  That singer didn’t even get to take the stage.

No “politics” allowed, you see.  Russia’s invasion of Georgia wasn’t political, so it didn’t affect Russia’s ability to host the contest.  Russia’s tanks, fighter jets and army soldiers weren’t political.  But a little Georgian kid squawking about Putin was not to be tolerated.

As for the actual content of the program, it was enough to make one dry heave. The Moscow Times reported:

[Russian TV’s] Channel One host Andrei Malakhov and model Natalya Vodianova provided a hyperenthusiastic commentary throughout the night. “I’m all covered in goose bumps,” Malakhov said as they pressed a large button to reveal the names of the finalists. “I’m about to faint,” Vodianova topped him.

The “Russian” entry was sung by a Ukrainian, in Ukrainian, after she was rejected by Ukraine.  She did not make the top 10. Russia was beaten by Estonia. Ouch.

Russia was hosting this year because it won last year.  Dima Bilan. He didn’t exactly make it big in Europe and America since then, to say the least.

And as if all that were not bad enough, the Kremlin ordered the mass murder of 30,000 stray dogs on Moscow’s streets so Eurovision tourists wouldn’t get the wrong impression of Russia. Apparently, the Kremlin would rather have them see Russia as a nation of of poochicidal maniacs than as a nation impoverished by incompetent KGB economic policies.  It also imposed a brutal crackdown on peaceful gay rights protesters, exposing itself once again as a paraoid, backwards, uncivilized nation.

Congratulations, Russia! Nice work.


29 responses to “EDITORIAL: The Horror of Eurovision

  1. it’s not nice to stab others in the back. But sure as hell is fun watch them do it to themselves!

    The Final wasn’t as awful (being only abyzmal), but the semifinals had really REALLY unprofessional sound and camera people, so that at one point I was kind of thinking “are they tryign to sabotage these people? Not that they need sabotaging, since most of the songs are… well… not good”

  2. Horror? No. Russia has plenty of a real actual horrors, but it’s just a farce (a silly one).

  3. “But a little Georgian kid squawking about Putin was not to be tolerated.”

    They acyually had a pop group this time – this refugee from Abkhazia sang in the previous one.

  4. It was really beautiful occasion. Moskow played as host from all Europe excluding Georgia team which remained at home to “tease Russian dictator Vladimir Putin”.

  5. I hate the russian army, so I was disgusted to see and hear the moscow army choir, oh! so disgusted! I will never forget their crime against georgia!
    i regret that patricia kaas was there, expressing her friendship to putin and medvedev, whereas georgian territories are still submitted to russian occupation. what an indecency!

  6. Yes christiane it showed that you have a mass support even in Europe and many people really like us!

  7. What is Eurovision and who was singing? What are you guys talking about?

    • Eurovision Song Contest is a super-kitchy Euro Pop festival, this year was hosted in Russia.

      The Georgian entry was banned for making fun of Putin (We Don’t Wanna Put In).

      The last year’s Georgian entry was sung by a blind girl who has been “cleansed” by the Abkhaz separatists in the 90s (the song was titled Peace Shall Come).

  8. I’ve never heard of it. Before I posted the question, I asked a few co-workers and a neighbor, and they haven’t heard of this either. Sounds a little bit like American Idol. I cannot imagine having all this hoopla over pop songs. Why do they have to politicize everything, even such unimportant stuff

  9. What was really funny was the Russians beating up gay rights activists and harping on about “satanic acts”, when Graham Norton, and half the presenters (and acts too I bet) are gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
    As the winner said “how rediculous beating up a gay parade, when tonight Eurovision is the biggest gay parade on earth”

  10. for the Americans:

    Eurovision is a contest of songs, one from every country. It has been in existence for over 50 years (next year will be 55th, I think). Eurovision has given the big break to performers like ABBA and Celine Dion… It used to be limited to own-language songs only, but about 10 years ago the language barrier was removed so now almost all of the songs are sung at least partly in English. Most critics find that ever since they let the public vote, it’s no longer about the songs and more and more about the performance – who has the shortest skirt and can do the most backflips kind of a thing. The winners in the past 10 years or so have includeed Dana International, a Jewish transvestite, a Ukrainian entry by Ruslana that was as if Xena had walked on stage.. with whips, fire and lots of drums, Lordi from Finland – now that was actually a good song :P but performed by, literally, monsters… um… Katrina and the Waves with “Love, shine a light”… and I’ve forgotten about the rest.

    so, even though the perceived silliness could be seen as a deterrent for any Really Good Songs winning (that aside from the whole block voting issue which I’m not going to go into here) there hasn’t been a shortage of participants so far. Taking part is – especially for countries that aren’t actually in the EU (like Turkey, Israel, Russia, Azerbaijan etc) a kind of a validation “look, we too belong in the European culture space” or if you dumb it down a LOT: “look, we are civilized too”. For smaller countries within the EU (like Belgium, Denmark, The Netherlands, Andorra, Malta, the Baltic States – although, for those last it’s also a bit of the previous reason) it’s a chance to be heard and seen, and perhaps kick some Great Nation ass. And for some, like Great Britain this year, it’s just a matter of “goddammit, we haven’t won in so long” kind of a frustration mixed with a need for achievement.

    The country that wins, i.e. is metaphorically declared the best in the region that year, gets 1) bragging rights and 2) to organize next year’s competition. Which in turn is a great publicity opportunity and if hyped enough might pull in lots of tourists and therefore revenue.

    and as for 2) Russia has failed utterly. putting a military choir on stage with military paraphenalia isn’t going to make ANYONE come and spend their money over there. having such crappy sound and camerawork will make Western Europeans think twice about hiring any technician from Russia. the gay parade controversy, again, isn’t going to make people want to go there or do business there.

  11. More Russian stupidity, here are the Red Army Choir singing “Lets cut off the gas for everyone”

  12. What impressed me most of all – there’s electricity in Russia. Not quite sure about TV. That whole show was meant for misguiding the European youth about the nature of real Russia.

  13. rts
    You are moron.

  14. Pingback: Official Russia | Russia Blog roundup - 21 May (the Eurovision special)

  15. The mass murder of the dogs (see article linked to above) is terrible.

    It is atrocious.

    The dogs did not seem to be bothering anyone.

    $42 million spent by Rasha for Eurovision.

    Couldn’t they find a little bit of money to take care of the dogs, instead of mass murdering them?

    Typical stoopid rooskie mentality – kill everything left and right.

  16. elmer

    I`m sure that If dogs will be killed in any “democracy” pro -USA country then you won`t see anything! It is yours hypocrisy as usual!

    So don`t worry.

    • @”I`m sure that If dogs will be killed in any “democracy” pro -USA country then you won`t see anything! ”

      You’re right:

      “Some reports even suggested the dogs were being beaten and murdered in cold-blood on the streets of the city in front of women and children.”

      It’s not being done this way over here.

  17. next year, in norway, there will be no problem, and georgia will be welcome.

  18. I’m rooshan –

    Do you not have the least bit of humanity in you?

  19. on september26th,2008, I was so desperate to see the public opinion so indifferent to georgia, that I had rewritten sting’s song “russians”1985:

    russians 2008

    in medvedev’s russia
    there’s a growing feeling of hysteria
    conditionned to respond to so-called “threats”
    from georgia,nato and the united states!
    mr lavrov said we”ll destroy georgia
    I don’t subscribe to this “point of view”!
    it would be a devilish thing to do
    if the russians had human values too!

    how can we save little georgia
    from medvedev’s fascist invasion?
    there is a monopoly of common sense
    on western side of the political fence!
    we share the same religion
    regardless of our opposition
    believe me when I say to you
    I wish the russians become peaceful too!

    there is no historical precedent
    since the thirties, as said georgia’s president
    there is no such thing as a winnable war
    for even the germans failed against russia…
    mr george bush said: we will protect you
    I do subscribe to this point of view!
    believe me when I say to you
    america is europe’s best defender (too)

    we share the same religion
    regardless of our opposition
    what might save georgia and you
    is if the russians would leave their army now!

  20. christiane

    I regret. You`ll have to rewrite yours time to time until you`ll pass away.

  21. Pingback: Russia Blog roundup – 21 May (the Eurovision special) – Siberian Light

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