The Horror of Eurovision
Last weekend the “Eurovision” song contest wound up in Moscow. The world could only stand slack-jawed gaping at the unbounded horror of it all.
Eurovision has a rule that says “no politics allowed” during the contest.
But that didn’t stop host Russia from decorating the stage with an inflatable fighter jet and an inflatable tank and having the Russian army choir perform the keynote song.
No politics allowed?
Into the semi-finals went the Israeli entry, a duo comprised of an Arab and a Jew singing “There Must be Another Way.” No problem with that in Eurovisionland. Israeli flags were waved furiously, everywhere. But that’s not “political” either, right?
What was clearly political, though, in the eyes of the craven scum who coordinate this “competition” (how many Eurovision-winning songs are on your Ipod?) was an effort by the Georgian entry to tease Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. That singer didn’t even get to take the stage.
No “politics” allowed, you see. Russia’s invasion of Georgia wasn’t political, so it didn’t affect Russia’s ability to host the contest. Russia’s tanks, fighter jets and army soldiers weren’t political. But a little Georgian kid squawking about Putin was not to be tolerated.
As for the actual content of the program, it was enough to make one dry heave. The Moscow Times reported:
[Russian TV’s] Channel One host Andrei Malakhov and model Natalya Vodianova provided a hyperenthusiastic commentary throughout the night. “I’m all covered in goose bumps,” Malakhov said as they pressed a large button to reveal the names of the finalists. “I’m about to faint,” Vodianova topped him.
The “Russian” entry was sung by a Ukrainian, in Ukrainian, after she was rejected by Ukraine. She did not make the top 10. Russia was beaten by Estonia. Ouch.
Russia was hosting this year because it won last year. Dima Bilan. He didn’t exactly make it big in Europe and America since then, to say the least.
And as if all that were not bad enough, the Kremlin ordered the mass murder of 30,000 stray dogs on Moscow’s streets so Eurovision tourists wouldn’t get the wrong impression of Russia. Apparently, the Kremlin would rather have them see Russia as a nation of of poochicidal maniacs than as a nation impoverished by incompetent KGB economic policies. It also imposed a brutal crackdown on peaceful gay rights protesters, exposing itself once again as a paraoid, backwards, uncivilized nation.
Congratulations, Russia! Nice work.