Latynina on Classic Russian Idiocy

Hero journalist Yulia Latynina, writing in the Moscow Times:

I was recently invited by the web site to discuss what the Kremlin needs to do to overcome the economic crisis. As it turns out, the answer is for Russia to unite with Ukraine.

The person responsible for this ingenious idea is Anatoly Vasserman, the eccentric television wonk and host of intellectual game shows. His reasoning is grounded in economics: Russia’s manufacturing sector will not develop until it has a solid, reliable customer base of at least 200 million people. Once Moscow unites with Kiev, demand will reach critical mass, and Russia’s manufacturing sector will skyrocket.

You might remember the joke about the workers at a collective farm who met to discuss how to fix the cowshed. The chairman stood and told them: “There are two ways to repair the dilapidated cowshed — one is realistic, and the other is completely far-fetched. The realistic way is if a space alien were to fly down here and fix the thing. The far-fetched way is if we were to try to repair it ourselves.”

I never imagined that 20 years after the end of the Soviet Union’s 70-year experiment in creating communism, I would be seriously discussing the realistic way of fixing the cowshed.

On the way home from the interview, I remembered another way to miraculously fix the cowshed. Russia has huge plans to build 1,000 ships over the next 20 years, and the only thing it needs to accomplish that goal is — you guessed it — to unite all the ship manufacturers and create one huge industry champion.

Once this happens, the Kremlin is convinced that the company will be inundated with new buyers from all over the world eager to build and repair ships.

I can’t help but mention another brilliant suggestion for coping with the crisis that Emergency Situations Minister Sergei Shoigu came up with three weeks ago. He wanted to introduce legislation that would make denying the Soviet Union’s victory in World War II a criminal offense.

Shoigu dropped this idea right after the Kremlin celebrated Defender of the Fatherland Day on Feb. 23. Every year since 1919, the Kremlin has invited 1,000 top military personnel to join the festivities. But this year, they were not invited because President Dmitry Medvedev was advised that bringing so many disgruntled army officers into the Kremlin would not be a wise idea.

Instead of drinking champaign and munching on hors d’oeuvres in one of the Kremlin’s ornate halls, submarine officers staged a demonstration in Murmansk. And believe me, the Kremlin treats a protest of military officers a lot more seriously than it does a bunch of disgruntled car owners in Vladivostok protesting higher duties on imported automobiles.

And so on the day after both the Murmansk protest and the festive Kremlin gathering that should have taken place, Shoigu spoke before a group of veterans at the Borodinskaya Panorama Museum. He denounced all those scumbags who dare suggest that Hitler won World War II.

As you can see, Russia’s best minds are being used to fight the crisis, and we have already heard a number of brilliant ideas from them. First, unite with Ukraine. Second, create a singular, huge ship-building corporation. Third, defeat the fascists — and I don’t mean those who killed lawyer Stanislav Markelov and journalist Anastasia Baburova two steps from the Kremlin in January. I mean the malicious imaginary fascists who claim that Hitler won World War II.

Apparently, these are the only ways the Kremlin knows how to fight the crisis.

29 responses to “Latynina on Classic Russian Idiocy

  1. As always, just by stating the obvious Latynina ridicules the regime. It is a required feature of Orwellian society – reconciling the truth of today (We always fought Eurasia) with the truth of yesterday (We always fought Eastasia) without seeing any contradiction. If you see the contradiction – you are the enemy of the people.

    That’s why arguing with “Unkneeling Russian” and his ilk is pointless. You just wouldn’t understand. Better be nice to him – he is exhibit A in studying of contemporary Russian thinking

  2. Meanwhile, in the other ancient Moscovy land:

    MOSCOW, March 18 (Reuters) – Russia’s Chechnya has not paid its electricity bills for months, industry officials said, in a first sign that Moscow is beginning to reduce subsidies.

    After two separatist wars over the past 15 years, Moscow has secured the loyalty of local leaders in part by transferring huge sums of money as aid to Chechnya. This lifeline is now under threat because of the shrinking Russian economy.

    Battered by falling prices for oil, Russia’s budget faces a deficit of 8 percent. That leaves less to go around for Chechnya and its neighbouring regions in the volatile North Caucasus, where insurgents still pose a threat to stability.

  3. Time to fire up the rebel’s, so Kadyrov’s role is bolstered. If local puppet regimes are not supported then what? The mong in the Kremlin would loose status. Mujaheddin will gain ground and deserters. The collapse of the regime, once started will continue to grow with force. Even the Ingush. So the payroll must be regular. Medvedov needs to be reminded, national traitors will not work for nothing. Chechnya, 35.5 percent of the workforce is unemployed, and in Ingushetia, 55 percent do not have work. So many separatists some are ready to seek a better deal. They know how they are treated in Moscow. Might as well make friends at home.

  4. Просветленный

    George // March 21, 2009 at 2:10 am | Reply
    Time to fire up the rebel’s, so Kadyrov’s role is bolstered. If local…..

    Дорогой George, из достовернных источников стало известно, что искуственное создание безработицы и невыносимых условий жизни в Чечне, является частью секретного и конечно гнустного ( как и все ими содеянное) плана ФСБ наследница КГБ, по вытеснению и переселению чеченцев в USA, с последующим созданием на ее територии Independent North American Republic of Ichkeria. Оно Вам надо? Поэтому предлагаю, в целях поддержания свободолюбивых устремлений чеченцев, не ограничиваться повстанцами, а срочно заключить секретный пакт с Грузией, о разделе России и двинуть на Москву с запада и юга. Уверен, что в своем освободительном порыве, уже через две недели, грузинские десантники водрузят знамя посвещенной демократии, над этим оплотом тоталитаризма и нетерпимости и укажут всем угнетенным народам и семьям путь к независимости. Не сомневаюсь, что в России Ваш освободительный поход поддержат Латынина с Новодворской, подняв востание против кровавого режима, с собою во главе! Со своей стороны обязуюсь, в случае упеха, отделится от России, и создать независимое демократическое государство имени себя, в составе своей семьи и наладить дружеские и взаимовыгодные, партнерские отношения со светочем мировой свободы-USA!
    Подымаю рюмку адикалону за непременный успех наших планов.

    • Enlightened, I’d tone down the snark and reflect at how failed a society Russia is, but, that would be all too humilitating a thought wouldn’t it.

  5. More Chechnya farce:

    Military command calls on Chechens to help law enforcement right terrorism

    GROZNY March 17 (Interfax)- The federal forces command in the Northern Caucasus has asked the population of the Chechen Republic to inform law enforcement agencies of militants’ plans and thus avert terrorist acts.
    “The ideologists of extremism on the Internet are disseminating various calls, addresses, or declarations calling for a ‘holy war,’ and essentially to chaos and self-destruction. Foreign centers which are trying to run conflicts do not like how Muslims wish to live among Russians, their desire to be proud to feel part of a great country,” said Sivak.

    Chechen MPs protest European support of independence movement

    GROZNY, March 19 (RIA Novosti) – Lawmakers in south Russia’s Chechnya have protested against plans voiced by European Parliament members to form a faction to discuss Chechen independence, and branded it a diversionary tactic to avoid addressing EU problems.
    “We consider this a provocation. If Polish and Lithuanian deputies are concerned over Chechens’ rights, why are Chechens’ rights violated most of all in these countries?”

  6. Btw, South Ossetia (and I guess also Abkhazia) also don’t get their money.

    Well, first things first and the money went to evict the highly-hostile American imperialists from the Uzbekistan base – I guess just a little internationalist help for the Taliban drug lords :)

  7. After all, where would Russians get their drugs (you know, drug = friend) if the Afghan conflict was solved?

  8. Просветленный

    Robert, Вам известно, что после прихода к власти Taliban, в Авганистане в несколько раз упало производство героина? После “освобождения”, производство героина за семь лет выросло в 44 раза!

    • Dear Enlightened, heroin was a cash crop for the Taliban, your comment that they weren’t interested in heroin production is not true.

  9. “Chechnya, 35.5 percent of the workforce is unemployed, and in Ingushetia, 55 percent do not have work.”

    In Chechnya practically everyone’s unemployed, except these who work for the gvt (including the legalised militias).

    Now, many recently (2006-2008) worked rebuilding Grozny, but now there’s no more money (see – no money for builders in South Ossetia).

    Some more work places were created of course (like there’s now a civilian airport again), but I don’t think that many to limit unemployment to “only” 35%.

    Unemployment in Ingushetia is actually about 75%: (some say 90%).

  10. Просветленный , it’s an English language website. Anyway, what you’re saying is an urban myth. Reality:

  11. “History repeats first as tragedy, then as farce” and so it goes in Russia.

    Only in the eyes of naive western Marxists that never had to live in the rot was Russia deemed sophisticated enough to be integrated into the West. It isn’t.

  12. Robert, Thanks I was unsure about the Taliban position on the Heroin Business. Probably misinformed. I was under the impression that terrorist financing came mostly from Arab Wahhabi. Afghan government seems too friendly with opium growers, by my understanding. Hell send all the Heroin to RuSSia free or subsidized, if they want it, give it to them. Let Moscali pay for crimes being committed on their neighbors. They can be “buzzed” out of existence. Just like the English forced Chinese to accept opium as payment in trade. This could loosen the grip of Moscali plans with their “Zone of influence on the former Soviet Union”. Finally justice for the murderers, and sins of their fathers. Moscals fault anyway, and their own undoing. Whatever it takes to bring down the Kremlin Mafia and the people that support Comrade Tovarish Putin.

  13. Latynina – ” a bunch of disgruntled car owners in Vladivostok ”
    Hm, I read somewhere on this very site a much hailed and praised idea of there being mass demonstrations of protest threatening to disintegrate Russia and overthrow the bloody Putin’s regime…

  14. Bobby –
    You really don’t understand or just acting stupid? I am not trying to insult you here – I am really curious. Somehow I suspect it’s the latter (acting stupid) – but in case it’s the former, read the whole sentence:

    Kremlin treats a protest of military officers a lot more seriously than it does a bunch of disgruntled car owners in Vladivostok

    Isn’t it obvious that the sentence reflects (or mocks) Kremlin’s attitude to car owners? Still not obvious? Oh well, it’s hopeless then…

  15. Why not unite with Beijing? Imagine the ‘customer base’ and all that happy crap a-la Wasserman! Why bother at all about the Ukes who, allegedly, ‘steal’ the russki gas and send ‘russki-speakers’ to build subway in Lviv? About time to bring back to life the historical ties with Mongolia as well. These latter even have a likeness of Cyrillic for alphabet. Go, Moscow, go!

  16. To Robert. As Shakespear said: ” That is the Question” And the question is : why the drugs production in Afganistan grew up 44 times in comparison with time before NATO operation. And do you know that the same happened with “Golden triangle” during american war in Vietnam.

  17. Просветленный


    А зачем метро в Львове? В свете Вашего предложения, лучше построить метро от Улан-Батора до Пекина, поэтому русских-ораторов лучше отправлять туда.

    • “reading hurts you” :) What else do you know about me, mr God;)?
      Try to analyse if ” analysis don’t hurt you”
      and if you read yourself carefully:”Production was down by 6% to 7,700 tons. The Survey shows that prices are also down by around 20%.”
      Isn’t this strange?
      I hope if you will think a little you will find the right decision. Try not to find it by google, not all information is right in Internet.

      • “sphynx”: You are the ” Classic Russian Idiocy”.

        “and if you read yourself carefully” anout the rise in cultivation:

        There is strong evidence that narcotics trafficking in Afghanistan is linked to the Taliban insurgency (…) The drugs from Afghanistan travel to foreign destinations across regions controlled by scores of warlords, insurgents who are often affiliated with the Taliban and Al Qaeda as well as extremists from Central Asia and Pakistan,” (…) “Opium production in Afghanistan rose almost 60 percent in 2006. (…) Helmand province in southern Afghanistan, severely threatened by insurgency, was becoming the world’s biggest drug supplier, with illicit cultivation larger than in the rest of the country put together and even more than entire nations such as Myanmar and Colombia. (…) The Afghan government, the UN and other agencies have made a far more intense effort to eradicate opium cultivation in 2007, compared to 2006. “However, the resistance to eradication is much more severe compared to 2006,” Lewis said.

        “Isn’t this strange?” No, not at all.

        But of course, you are an idiot, so you trust Google search results and fellow idiots on the Internet more than the United Nations drug agency chiefs.

      • Also:

        Taliban earns $300mn from opium cultivation:UN

        They actually trade it with the Russian mafia for weapons (it’s value in weapons, not hard cash on Swiss accounts).

  18. Erikki, given the deplorable Russian demographics and China’s hunger for expansion especially where commodities are found and their disciple at executing long term plans you can count on the Russian far East reverting to China in a few generations.

  19. Ukraine unite with Moscovy ? That’s a harder
    sell than uniting Iran with Israel .
    Penny , I have been saying this for years ,
    ( Chinese expansion ) except I don’t think it will
    be much sooner than a few generations .

    • I agree. The Russians aren’t going to be able to defend their far flung territory. It’s their geographic curse. We are barely able to keep Mexico out of the US on our borders.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s