“In Russia, whatever be the appearance of things, violence and arbitrary rule is at the bottom of them all. Tyranny rendered calm by the influence of terror is the only kind of happiness which this government is able to afford its people. If they wish to be recognized by the European nations, and treated as equals, they must begin by submitting to hear themselves judged.”
— Marquis De Custine, Empire of the Czar: A Journey Through Eternal Russia, ch. 37 (1843, rev. 1989).
Some idiot named Daria Chernyshova is writing an occasional column for the irrelevant Moscow News called “A Russian Briefer.” Fortunately for those who are inclined to mirth, as the title alone indicates, it does not seem there is anyone with a native command of the English language who is inclined to assist Ms. Chernyshova with her highly stilted prose, which only helps to make her ridiculous drivel that much more stilted and hysterically ludicrous. Any time you’d like a nice roll on the floor convulsed in uncontrollable fits of laughter, just tune in to Channel Chernyshova (you can also catch her on that bastion of accuracy in Russia reporting, Kremlin-controlled Russia Profile).
We’ll sum her up this way: As a journalist, she’s a great little piece of ass.
In her most recent installment, Chernyshova states:
A group of students are standing next to the examination room. The German asks: “Why don’t they let us enter? They are already 3 minutes late.” An American says, “Can you explain to me the meaning of this?” Finally, the Russian asks: “What exam are we to take today? Please! May I have a look at someone’s notes?” What strikes observers about this approach to our work is that the outcome – when it finally comes – is brilliant. No matter how long a task may take to fulfil, a Russian will eventually get the job done. One wonders how Russians succeed with such an attitude. Though we are mostly Northern residents, our inner passion explains everything.
This is truly Russia in a nutshell. And we do mean nut.
Yes, you read it right. Chernyshova believes that Russia is a success, and not just any sort of success but a “brilliant” one.
Just how brilliant? Chernyshova is not shy about saying. She states that Russia’s viewpoint “differs greatly from the German approach, for example. Their schedules are rigid and well-planned in advance. The work volume is balanced and measured. All the rules are observed.” The she observes:
God! The scheme described above would make the life of a typical Russian sheer hell. Such an approach to labor would seem boring and too complicated. I would hate for the reader to get the idea that Russian workers are all unorganized; we are well-educated and capable of serious work, and the final product of a German and a Russian worker will be the same. It is the process that is entirely different. From a logical point of view, Russia’s style of work is extremely incorrect, but yet it works.
Isn’t that charming? Russians don’t follow the law because they would find that too “boring.” They prefer the “excitment” of having one of the world’s highest murder rates and forfeiting tens of billions of dollars in national wealth every year to corruption, ranking in that category alongside the banana republics of Africa.
Is Russia in fact a success compared to Germany, as Chernyshova claims? You couldn’t possibly know from her “journalism,” because she doesn’t give one single specific example comparing the two countries on any metric at all. As if she had been educated in the Soviet Union, Chernyshova simply states her conclusions and ignores the need to give evidence.
So let’s do that for her, shall we?
Presumably, she thinks Russia is just as successful as Germany in marketing automobiles abroad. Apparently, she believes the outside world is just as interested in purchasing “brilliant” Russian cars (albeit slapped together at the last minute) as they are in buying laboriously prepared BMWs, Mercedez Benzes and Volkswagons. She thinks, it seems, that the American market waits in fevered anticipation for the latest edition of the Volga so they can cruise down Main Street and dazzle.
How can we break the news to her gently? We don’t want her head to explode, after all.
Likely, too, she imagines that the per capita GDP of Germans and Russians is virtually identical. It’s not quite true, however. Germany ranks #19 in the world in per capita GDP, while Russia ranks #54. Germany’s “purchasing power parity” per capita GDP figure is $34,200. In Russia, that figure is $14,700 — well less than half Germany’s achievement. Russia’s style of work, working?
Germany’s population growth rate is -0.044%. Russia’s rate is -0.474%. Russia is losing population at a rate ten times faster than Germany. Russia’s mortality rate is 16.06/1,000 whilst Germany’s is 10.8/1,000 — 60% lower than Russia’s. Russia’s infant mortality rate is 10.81/1,000 births; Germany’s rate is 4.03/1,000 births — less than half Russia’s barbaric third-world level. Russia’s style of work, working?
With more than half Russia’s population, Germany has only 43,000 people living with HIV/AIDS. Russia has 860,000. In other words, Russia’s incidence of HIV/AIDS is ten times higher than Germany’s per capita. Russia’s style of work, working?
Germany has 2.3% annual consumer price inflation. Russia has 11.9%. Russia’s style of work, working?
Germany is a leading member of the NATO alliance, by far the world’s most potent. Russia has no allies. It’s been repudiated on Georgia even by its own Slavic little brother, Serbia. Russia’s style of work, working?
We could, of course, go on. And on, and on. We could talk about patented inventions, Nobel prizes, etc., etc. We could, if we wanted, talk about Germans’ and Russians’ relative abilities to come to terms honestly with their dark pasts, a metric that by comparison makes Russia look like a troop of baboons. But we’ve made our point, and there’s no point in going on because Ms. Chernyshova, like most hopelessly pathetic Russians, wouldn’t know the meaning of terms like “research” and “thought” and “honesty” and “ethics” if they bit her on the butt, and she simply couldn’t care less about pesky little things like facts. She probably finds such notions much too “boring” to bother with.
So, like the Soviet ancestors who educated her, Ms. Chernyshova will go right on deluding herself, living in a sick, perverted fantasy world totally detached from any vague semblence of reality, until once again her country comes crashing down around her, as it has done twice in the past century alone.
She’s a pitiable, pathetic, wretched excuse for a human being. As such, she’s the perfect personification of modern Russia, where the craven denzins choose to be governed by the KGB, greatest mass murderer of Russians in history. As such, the Moscow News is to be commended for finding and publishing her, for she offers brillant insights into the true nature of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.
NOTE: Source of most data given above is the CIA factbook for Germany and Russia.
NOTE: For another charming slice of Chernyshova, check out her June 2008 piece about the Russian nostradamus.
At the end of day, no matter how one feels about Russia, we all have to agree that they have been blessed with the greatest pieces of ass anywhere. God’s unique sense of humor: shitty country/great asses, great country/fat asses.
Why beat up on somebody so low on the totem pole there? Why not take on Robert Bridge, who is the editor in chief and makes Lavelle look like an opposition activist?
LA RUSSOPHOBE: On our to do list! Got any juicy tidbits for us?
I’ve got one tasty morsel for you: “Investors will ignore invasion of Georgia and continue investing in booming Russia” by Gene Coyle.